I Must Decrease

There has been an ongoing battle in my life for a number of years now. I thought it was only an eating disorder and exercise obsession I needed to overcome...

And I am overcoming those things, praise the Lord and all glory to Him!

For the first time in years and years I am not struggling with eating disordered thoughts and habits. I am finding the self-acceptance... which isn't quite the same thing as self-love... that I have lacked and yearned for.

It is quite nice, the self-acceptance that is budding within my heart, and it has nothing to do with my weight or size or any other external factor. But I didn't intend to specifically discuss my eating disorder recovery journey or body positive fitness enthusiasm today.

I have a whole other blog for those topics here.

My recovery endeavors have shown me something else, too. For me, disordered food and fitness and self-acceptance issues seem to be at least partially a spiritual battle. I learned that I needed to handle stress and anxiety properly and truly let go of certain things. And that I needed to get my eyes and heart and mind off of me and firmly focused upon my Savior.

"He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30 {WEB}

It has been *the* key to my success in turning away from fitness obsession and food issues. It has brought me peace that does indeed go beyond my understanding. I feel joyful and content, giddy and grateful for the blessings in my life and totally trusting that the Lord is in control.

Dare I say I am truly becoming fearless?

Why? Because I am not focusing on myself anymore, as a priority of life. I am losing the childish focus of self and embracing the childlike faith that Jesus holds dear.

Oh, it is a tricky balance in a way...

I know my worth, I am deliberately thinking kindly and positively toward myself, I am indulging in self-care and treating myself like I am special. I sometimes have to remind myself that those things aren't selfish, they are necessary!

I believe the Christian life is an abundantly joyful life. A pastor I enjoy listening to online mentioned recently that if you aren't having fun as a Christian then you are doing it wrong. I agree!

But my focus and thoughts are on Jesus. He is my all-in-all. I am taking my thoughts captive... turning them away from worldly things and disordered things and focusing on that which is good and lovely. The blessings of my life. The goodness of God.

Joyfully abiding in the sunshine of Christ's love. (a thought I borrowed from our pastor)

And I can't remember where I read (or perhaps heard) this encouragement, but when I pray I am deliberately focusing on God and his wonderful and holy attributes. Less of me in my prayers... fewer requests and less complaining to the One who is worthy of all praise and glory.

God knows our every thought and need. I don't have to keep reminding Him of them when I could be praising Him instead.

Jesus is the answer to every problem and difficulty and trial I could ever face, including overcoming an eating disorder. And He is the source of every good thing that comes my way. I believe that with all of my heart and I am determined to do my very best to keep my eyes off of myself and firmly fixed upon Him, which is exactly where my eyes belong.


I use the World English Bible (WEB) for my word pictures because it is a version in the Public Domain. The name "World English Bible" is trademarked. More information can be viewed here.

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