November 16, 2018

A Grateful Heart


Another happy Friday to you, my friends. Where did this week go? {smile} Mine whizzed by as I am working to tweak our daily rhythms a bit... and I find that changes in routine and habits, while good and necessary, tend to be kind of tiring during the adjustment period.

Basically, I am looking to have a bit more structure in our days without letting that structure become a taskmaster. There is *so* much going on in this happy-busy season of our big family's homesteading life on our farm with our bustling barnyard, in our five student + mama's studies homeschool, with my dear hubby and one of our daughter's outside job schedules, and with all of the interests and activities and makings and doings amongst the eight of us.

So this week has been a good beginning to all of the shifts and tweaks as we experiment with the various aspects of our simple life. I find that parts of the day are busier than usual, but also there is comfort in knowing what to do, what to expect, and when to say enough for the day. And this adjustment in our rhythm is bringing us together to accomplish tasks and projects while also allowing free time for individual endeavors. It's all going smoothly and the feedback from my crew has been positive - so far, so good!

I have another batch of bread baking in the oven as I type these words. This is the third baking I have done this week, I am trying to get a bit ahead on bread making before the extra cooking of Thanksgiving next week. There are currently six loaves in the freezer (I bake 4 - 5 loaves at a time) so I am pleased.

Here are a few more things I am thankful for today ~

:: Deer outside the window. I enjoyed watching a wee herd of deer graze just outside our fenced yard the other day. I haven't seen "my buck" for awhile... I hope he is faring okay.

:: Online shopping. I have mentioned before that I don't particularly enjoy shopping. It wears me out. I like our local thrift store and grocery store. Craft stores - especially yarn and fabric shops - are fun to peruse. Other than that, I do my best to find what I need online. And this week, I began some online shopping for Christmas and all of our upcoming birthdays. It was so much fun and my orders are here *already.* Yay!

:: Afternoon walkabout. Right in the middle of a bustling afternoon yesterday, the kids and I took Jack for a romp in the pasture. It was so nice to get outside together and breathe deeply of the crisp autumn air.

:: My current reading. I have several books going right now - a novel (My Dear Hamilton), a book of poetry (the sun and her flowers), and a book of short stories (The Four Million)... I am also reading aloud to our children (By the Shores of Silver Lake and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone) each day and doing my ongoing Bible reading (currently, I am in Joshua and Luke).

It has only been in the past couple of years that I have taken the time to read for personal pleasure and interest once again, and developed the habit of continually reading through the Bible, and I must say that in no time I have reawakened my inner bookworm! {smile} And I adore reading aloud to my children, it is one of my favorite things to do.

:: Lesson 15. The very last unit in my sign language class... I am *so* close to graduating from the online course!

:: Fresh snow. It is snowing on our homestead today. The view is wintry white and wonderful. But I actually can't see very far because of the snow coming down. I love it!

*Beep* goes the oven timer - my bread is done. Wishing you much gratitude where you are...

November 15, 2018

pumpkin pie in a cup - yum!

As a devoted fan of all things pumpkin, I always keep a stockpile of canned pumpkin puree in my larder. And homemade puree is often found in our freezer and refrigerator, too. No such thing as too much pumpkin around here! {smile}

One of my favorite ways to use pumpkin puree is to make a smoothie that is very much like pumpkin pie in a cup. It is a yummy blended drink (my youngest child's very favorite) that we often have with breakfast or for a snack no matter the time of year, though it does seem especially suited to autumn... pumpkin season!


Here is the easy-peasy recipe for you ~

1/3 cup cooked pumpkin puree - canned or homemade
1 large ripe banana, frozen - peel banana, cut peeled banana into chunks, and freeze
1 Tablespoon quick rolled oats - uncooked
1 teaspoon ground flax seeds
1 teaspoon almond flour
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup milk - cow, goat, plant-based, whatever kind you prefer
whipped cream for topping - optional

Place the pumpkin puree, frozen banana chunks, rolled oats, ground flax seeds, almond flour, ground cinnamon, vanilla extract, and milk in the container of a good quality blender. Cover the blender container and process until all ingredients are very smooth, I blend mine for about two minutes.

Pour into a jar or glass and top with whipped cream if desired (yes, please!) and serve immediately. We think it tastes like thick, creamy, cold pumpkin pie... yum!

 🍂Enjoy!


November 14, 2018

ordinary thankfulness

I am at a stage of midlife in which I have become quite comfortable with who I am. Perhaps it is merely a lovely effect of growing a bit older and having a large trove of experiences to meditate upon as I watch the Lord work in my life. Becoming at ease with authenticity, outgrowing the need to fit in with the crowd or even noticing what others (besides the Lord and my dear hubby, of course) may think... I am so thankful to embrace the quirks that make me who I am right now as I strive to become all that God created me to be.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I have been deliberately focusing even more than usual on thankfulness and gratitude and my abundant blessings. This week, I spent some time exploring some questions that prompt awareness of and gratitude for ordinary things.

It was a fun and interesting process, pondering these prompts. It surprises me that my answer to simple questions about basic things sometimes requires a bit of considering. And lots of words. One word answers are not usually my thing. {smile}

What is something I love about where I live?
... In a general sense, I am definitely a Montana girl through-and-through! I love this beautiful state that has been my home for more than forty years, since I was a child. Specifically on our mountainside homestead (oh my, how could I possibly choose just one thing?) I love everything about the land... the space, the fresh air, the view, the creek, the pretty rocks, the wildflowers.

What person in my life am I grateful for?
... My amazing hubby. He means everything to me! And because of him I have eight dear children, too. And Jack, my Labrador Retriever. My beloved crew, they all are!

What books am I most grateful for?
... The Bible.
... Books that make me laugh. I loved Marley & Me.
... Classics. I especially enjoy the writings of Charles Dickens.

What is a small thing that I use daily that I am grateful for?
... Our coffeemaker.

What is my favorite kind of ice cream?
... What *is* my favorite kind of ice cream, anyway. Do I need to pick just one? {smile} My daughter and I have a goal to try *all* the flavors that our local grocer sells. Honestly, we haven't tried one yet that I didn't like. Ha! Okay, I will pick something that has peanut butter cups in it if I must choose only one. And that balsamic fig and mascarpone flavor we just discovered... yum.

What is my favorite farm animal?


... My favorite farm animal species? Oh, that's easy... goats! I love, love, love goats. Their personalities, their milk, their scent, their cuddles, all of it. But my favorite individual barnyard critter on our farm is my cow-friend Matilda - my big, beautiful Jersey cow.

What accomplishment am I currently grateful for?
... I am just about to finish an online college course! ASL 101. American Sign Language is something I am studying just because of personal interest and I *love* it, and I enjoy teaching what I know to my children.

What is my favorite thing to wear?
... My ideal outfit is a long, loose-fitting denim jumper (with pockets) over a comfy top with cute, patterned knee-high socks, a handmade shawl, and a headcovering. No jewelry except my wedding ring, and not a bit of makeup. And a spritz of essential oil spray because it smells amazing.

What is a talent I have that I am grateful for?
... Bread making. Yarn crafting. Hoop dancing. Writing. Speaking Hebrew. I am very grateful for all of my homeMaking and homesteading skills and for my hobbies; my skills and abilities (talents?) mean a lot to me since I am entirely self-taught in almost every aspect of my simple homemade life. And I am a patient person, all glory to the Lord.

What is my favorite day of the week?
... Monday. I love getting back to the familiar weekday rhythm. I love fresh starts and the gift of a new week beginning.

What technology am I thankful for?
... The Internet. It is such a blessing and important resource on our rural homestead!

What is my favorite color?
... Orange, a specific shade of autumn-orange, like a pumpkin. Followed closely by mustard-y yellow, red, and green. I like rich, bright shades and colorful things.

Pumpkin spice flavored things - yes or no?
... Yes!

Life is such a gift. God is so good! And there is always something to be thankful for. {smile}

Kindly,

November 13, 2018

Mooving Day


There is a wee drift of snow beginning to pile up in the corner of Matilda's corral. Already, we have had to dig a bit before we could get the gate opened in the mornings. Winter is coming. Some days it seems as though it has already arrived.


And the pile of ice that we have been scooping out of the back pasture's water trough is growing. Though we are able to keep the trough open, we have also begun the winter task of hauling buckets of warm water to our critters.


We decided that it is time to begin having Matilda and Shadow spend their nights and penned time in our larger fenced enclosure... their winter quarters. So when they return to the barnyard after roaming and nibbling at the dry grass amidst the snow in the upper pasture, they now discover their corral gate closed and simply wander into the adjacent pen for the evening and overnight.

That is where their hay is now. Matilda always follows her food. {smile}


Mooving day kiss!

Kindly,

November 9, 2018

A Grateful Heart





Such a wintry week it has been... a perfectly cozy week for my hubby's time off from work and our refreshing break from our regular homeschooling activities. A snowy staycation was savored and enjoyed by all! {smile}

Here are a few snippets from my ongoing gratitude list this week ~

Snowshoeing. The deep, lovely, powdery snow prompted me to retrieve my snowshoes from the depths of our closet, strap them on with my dear hubby's help in getting them adjusted, and partake in my first snowshoeing walkabout of the season.

One year! Today is the one year anniversary of my eating disorder recovery and I could not be more grateful about it, praise the Lord. And I am very excited to begin merging the Friday happiness post tradition from Run Hoop Julie with my grateful heart posts here in this space... while joyfully leaving the topic of my former long-term eating disorder and recovery behind on my blogs and in my thoughts and conversations. Onward! 

My handyman hubby. Fixer extraordinaire! He ordered the necessary part and fixed my washing machine for me this week. Good as new it is and my laundry is all caught up. Woot!

Successful harvest. One of our boys filled his antelope tag and we will once again - for the first time in a few years - enjoy the blessing of wild game meat upon our table. Oh, how happy I am about that!


I wish you a cup brimful with gratitude where you are, friends...



November 6, 2018

White Chip Strawberry Banana Cookies

Dear friend, did you know that a basic store-bought cake mix can be used to make cookies? Perhaps you did, yes? I remember when I first made the discovery - I *think* it was my grandmother that shared the tip with me many years ago, even before the interwebs were born. When such lovely and helpful bits of homemaking information were more often passed along via newspaper clippings and pages torn from magazines. {smile}

Through the years, I do believe I have made cookies with every flavor of boxed cake mix that our grocery store sells. My children are especially fond of strawberry cookies. So lately, I have been experimenting and tweaking the usual method of cake mix cookie baking to come up with a white chip strawberry banana cookie that earns the approval of my tribe.

And after a few tries (all of which were pretty tasty, my encouraging crew insists) I have settled on a recipe that is yielding consistently yummy strawberry banana-y results. . . and I would love to share it with you!


White Chip Strawberry Banana Cookies

Ingredients:

15.25 oz box of strawberry cake mix
1 cup unbleached all-purpose flour
2 eggs
1/2 cup canola oil
1 medium size ripe banana - peeled and mashed
1/2 cup white baking chips

Method:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees (F). Lightly mist a baking sheet or two with cooking spray. Set aside.

Break eggs into a medium size mixing bowl. Add the cooking oil and mashed banana. Mix well, either using a wooden spoon or with a mixer. Add the cake mix and the unbleached all-purpose flour. Mix well to combine all ingredients. Stir in the white baking chips.


Place heaping-tablespoon sized mounds of batter about an inch apart on prepared baking sheets. Bake in preheated 350 degree (F) oven for 8 to 10 minutes, or until cookies are set on top and lightly browned around the edges.

When the cookies are done, carefully remove the baking sheets from the oven and let the cookies rest on the baking sheets for a minute before transferring them to a wire rack to cool completely.


Recipe makes about 34 cookies. Store cooled cookies in a covered container.

Those cookies on those baking sheets that I made this morning? Gone! Not even a crumb or a stray chip remains. Yes, we think these are very delicious. I do hope you like them, too.

Enjoy!

November 2, 2018

A Grateful Heart


Happy first Friday of November to you, friends. This is an exciting day at our place because we are having our annual family fun night fall party tonight! It has been planned and prepared for... there will be lots of homemade pizza and candy and games and costumes. The daily countdown to the fall party is over at last!

It has been a bustling week of preparation at our place. Not only for tonight's fall party, but we have also been finishing up some things in our homeschool so we can all enjoy a more relaxed and spontaneous rhythm during the vacation days my dear hubby is taking from work next week. He will be home with us for several days. *squee!* It will be a wee taste of working and playing together on our homestead without the obligation of outside employment. Like pioneers. I plan to savor the days!

I have been coaxing my washing machine along this week, which makes keeping up with all of the laundry our big homesteading tribe generates rather interesting! I usually do at least one load of laundry every day, often two or even three loads. One of our boys has been helping me with the task and thankfully the washer has worked for two loads today, which I am calling enough. My dear hubby has the needed part ordered and should be able to get the washer repaired next week.

Here are some tidbits from my ongoing gratitude list this week~

:: Two parks. Last weekend, we were able to spend time at two different parks when we were out-and-about doing errands in two nearby towns. I love that we so often take the time for such slow and simple things, that we aren't usually caught up in the rush, rush, rush and consumerism of the world that is so easy to fall into.

A simple homemade life is certainly not an easy life, but we find it oh-so-satisfying. And happy-busy is busy, but rarely frantic. How lovely it is to be calmly productive and satisfied with enough. To take the time to pause to look at beautiful trees and admire ducks. . . to collect memories and experiences in the out-of-doors.

:: A glorious sunrise. Earlier this week, as I was choosing a sermon to listen to during my morning hike, the sky became a beautiful array of gold and pink and purpley-blue as the sun began to peek over the distant horizon. Just wow.

:: My dog, Jack Kelly. The one year old. He was making me laugh last night. . . I was knitting in my chair near the wood stove and Jack came over and tossed me his ball. He has this way of tossing his ball to us from his mouth, so we can pretty much play catch with him. Life on our farm is even better with Jack. I love that dog.


:: A fun photography project. My daughter and I are doing a November photo project together, taking turns suggesting prompts for the next day. I am sharing mine on my Images of a Happy Gentle Life blog all month. So far, we have each done colorful and drink. Twenty-eight more inspired images to come, Lord willing!

:: These simple snippets and happenings - ordinary days, reading aloud to my children, indulging in a few minutes of hoopdance flow in the middle of the day, listening to familiar Christmas songs and hymns being practiced on our trusty old piano, the smell of goats on my hands after chores, enough homegrown eggs to bake with, Matilda, choosing and purchasing the yarn for a new crochet project, realizing a favorite skirt has gotten a wee bit snug and accepting it as a blessing of recovery without any negative reaction or judgment, all of us together in one place - perhaps each doing our own thing, busy about our individual activities and interests - but together.

I wish you abundant gratitude where you are.



November 1, 2018

Thankful Thursday

An attitude of gratitude is something I seek to cultivate within myself and it is a habit that continues to change my life in wonderful ways. Noticing the blessings of daily life, trying to look for something good in all circumstances, and trusting the Lord's sovereignty are some of the ways I encourage happiness and contentedness to flourish in my heart no matter what the day may bring.

And November is the traditional time of year to be especially aware of thankfulness and gratitude as Thanksgiving approaches and the holiday season commences. So I think that - in addition to my weekly grateful heart series - I would like to do some extra gratitude posts this month that remind me to be mindful of and give thanks for all of the goodness in my life. {smile}

I was looking at some gratitude journal prompts online, and one that caught my attention today was to list ten things that I have now that I did not have five years ago. How fun! So I am going to begin thinking and listing and see where it goes.

Things I have now that I did not have five years ago. . .


1 - The experience of holding a snake for the first time. I felt so brave and happy when I decided to hold this harmless garter snake a few months ago. I'm not sure why it was so meaningful to me... maybe because I don't particularly care for snakes? Well, this guy changed my mind about that and I *do* like the harmless ones now.

2 - My dog, Jack. Hard to believe I have only had him since last Christmas! He has firmly established himself in our family and hearts in a pretty short time. My best friend indeed. A few of our other critter friends have been on our farm less than five years, too... my kitty Ruby, our senior cat Marvin, the parakeets, my son's frog Julien, and the current aquarium and betta bowl inhabitants. All of the rest of our barnyard critters are old-timers!

3 - A stand mixer and an enormous pressure cooker. I choose my kitchen servants carefully, I don't like having a bunch of appliances and gadgets around that I don't use regularly. But those two things are so oft-used that I don't even store them away, they are always at-the-ready on my counter.

4 - My headcoverings. While I had felt the conviction to cover niggling in my heart for quite some time, I only began wearing a Christian headcovering within the past couple of years. Now I cannot imagine being without it... the joyful submission to my wonderful hubby and the Biblical headship order that my covering symbolizes has grown quite dear to my heart. What a lovely blessing and reminder that simple piece of cloth upon my head has become in my life!

5 - Self-acceptance. Nope, I did not have it five years ago... *so* thankful that I have it now. To God be the glory.

6 - All of this gray and going-gray hair upon my head! I really like my natural hair color, I hope one day it is long and shiny-silvery throughout.

7 - My well-used and much-loved dance hoop collection. Hoopdancing, hoop flow, and taking the time to play and enjoy the day is awesome, I think.

8 - The memory of running one mile without stopping or walking. It was a life goal of mine, and I just recently did it. Yay!

9 - A smart phone. I resisted getting one for so long! I was afraid it would take over my days, that I would spend too much time staring at it. That I would have no clue how to use it. But I have grown to like my phone and I *love* that it enables me to stay close to my adult children. Worth it!

10 - The ability to speak Hebrew and ASL with increasing fluency. Through homeschooling, I did know the sign language for some simple songs, but I didn't begin studying those languages seriously until a few years ago.


Well, that was a bit of a challenge! I didn't want to focus too much on material things, but there were a few included. And I just realized that I didn't list my blogs, ha!

Joyfully,


October 31, 2018

End of October on the Homestead






Here we are at the final day of October. Already. I wasn't going to mention it again, how quickly time flies by around here, but it is oh so true I just couldn't help myself. {smile} It is snowing ever-so-lightly at our place right now, and there is just a bit of snow on the trees higher up on the mountain.

The rhythm of our homesteading tasks has shifted away from gathering (hay, firewood, propane) to one of preparing for the upcoming winter. My dear hubby has been working on his crawler so it will be ready to use on the driveway once the snow flies. The plow is back on the front of the plow truck. Our septic tank was serviced. Seasonal items like outdoor furniture and warm weather toys have been stored away until next spring. Fences have been checked and tightened. A broken rail on Matilda's corral was replaced.

Indoors, October saw us put up and preserve this bounty of friend-grown apples that we were invited to pick. I finished crafting a cozy shawl for myself and began knitting some simple Christmas gifts. I am beginning to look forward to digging my snowshoes out of the closet. Our eclectic homeschooling activities and many farm tasks and craft projects fill our days. And I did my usual baking of bread (especially) and cakes and cookies and whatever else my tribe fancied. Though I have not been successful at finding much time to experiment with artisan baking and bread scoring... perhaps I will delve more into that artsy endeavor in the wintry days to come.

And the holiday season has already begun at our place! Our son's end-of-October birthday (followed by my dog Jack's first birthday) is *the* beginning of so many celebrations and preparations and traditions to come in the next several weeks... one right after another.

We will, Lord willing, enjoy our annual fall costume party family fun night this week. It is loads of fun! And then in addition to celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas and the New Year, we are blessed with a Christmas Eve birthday, a New Year's Day birthday, followed by two more birthdays (one of those will be my fiftieth!) and our thirtieth wedding anniversary mid-January.

Whew! Lots of planning and cooking and baking and making to come. I love the holidays and doing what I can to make all of those days special and meaningful for my tribe, but they can be quite a lot of work... and even seem a bit overwhelming if I am not mindful to simply abide in the moment at hand, noticing and enjoying the abundant blessings.

But right now, at this moment, it is peaceful. My dog is asleep at my feet and my children are working on their school nearby. The parakeets are softly singing to one another (our new addition, Buttercup, has settled right in). My youngest child is practicing his Christmas hymn on the piano. There is a small fire in the wood stove and a fresh pot of coffee in the kitchen... and pumpkin spice flavored creamer at the ready. Outdoors we have a calm and cloudy 38 degrees (F) to go along with the snow. It is a lovely, ordinary day.

And into November we joyfully go...

October 29, 2018

One Year Old

Somebody very special to us had a birthday over the weekend...



My puppy is now a big boy! My sweet Jack turned one year old on Saturday. Oh how he has grown and truly become one of the family since my dear hubby surprised me with him . . . a dog of my very own! . . . last Christmas.

Remember how little seven week old Jack was when he joined our family?

:: Jack at 7 weeks old :: 
Awww! Such a sweet little Labrador Retriever he was! We all loved him immediately. And now he is *so* much bigger and even sweeter, I think. {smile}

Jack seemed pretty excited about his birthday present on Saturday. Perhaps he recalled the day before, and the family fun and presents and festivities we had for our boy's seventeenth birthday celebration? Jack was right in the middle of all of that!

And he was surely wagging his tail with enthusiasm when I set his gift next to him, as if he knew what to expect.


We got him a new collar and a polar fleece blanket for his birthday. I really like the blue collar on him and Jack *loves* his blanket. He loved and played with his old blanket until it was too tattered to keep, so I was excited to pick this one out and give it to him.


And there was one more thing... we bought him a New York steak for his birthday. It simply *had* to be a New York steak, I mean, he is named for the character Jack Kelly from a play that is based in New York City! My Jack Kelly started drooling when I cut up his steak for him. He sat perfectly still and never took his eyes off of me... and then he did enjoy every last bite of it.

Happy first birthday to my best friend and constant companion. I think he had an extra-good day. I do *love* my dog!

💛Joyfully,

October 26, 2018

A Grateful Heart


We are celebrating a birthday on this Friday at our place. One of our four boys is seventeen years old today! I am so often wondering to myself as I hug this son of mine who has grown to be six inches taller than I am ... (and I am pretty tall at 5'9") ... how did my baby boy grow up so fast?

We have a good relationship, we enjoy comfortable conversations about any and every topic, and I treasure these days as I have learned through experience that time will continue to fly by all too quickly. So I am especially mindful to abide in the moment at hand during this homeschooling and homesteading season that blesses us with much togetherness. Time does indeed march on.

But today he is seventeen and he let me bake him a candy covered purple caterpillar birthday cake...


Sweet, yes? {smile}

Here are a few more snippets from my ongoing gratitude list this week ~

Something new. I usually bake our bread with a combination of all-purpose unbleached flour and home-ground whole wheat flour. But last time I was at the store, I bought bread flour instead of all-purpose. I haven't used bread flour in my recipe for a long time. Oh, how springy and light my bread has been! Perhaps after more than twenty-five years of baking all of our bread, I will make the switch to a new combination of half whole-wheat and half bread flour for our daily bread. Always learning, I am!

Golden eagle. As I was walking outdoors yesterday afternoon, a golden eagle flew over our homestead and circled the area for a bit. It was enormous and graceful and beautiful to watch. What a blessing!

Cotton yarn. My dear hubby picked up another skein of cotton yarn for me at our local store this week. I had been concerned I would run out before I finished the dishcloth I am making (in spite of how quickly I was knitting - ha!) and he surprised me by picking up another skein. So sweet!

Good timing. Our daughter was able to leave work a bit early and discovered that she had two flat tires on her vehicle. It was during business hours *and* her dad was able to help her get to the tire shop to get the flats fixed. If she had finished her scheduled shift the tire shop would have been closed for the day before she realized her dilemma.

Encouragement. I am so thankful for the encouragement of body positive quotes and self-accepting ladies who have (like me) overcome food and fitness issues and walked away from diet culture for good! And for the encouragement of other Christian wives and mamas that value a simple and quiet stay-at-homestead life. And especially, for the encouragement and teachings of online sermons by conservative like-minded pastors who faithfully direct my heart to Jesus. I do enjoy being a wallflower {smile} but all flowers do need watered (encouraged!) regularly in order to thrive!


Well, I must skedaddle and have a big piece of purple birthday cake with my boy. I wish you much gratitude where you are, friends.

Love,




October 24, 2018

Autumn at the Creek








How lovely it always is when we decide to take a break from the chores and tasks of the home and barnyard to spend some relaxing moments at the creek. So as I do what I can to keep up with the many things that are clamoring for my time and attention in the middle of this bustling week, I am thankful to savor the memory of the moments our tribe played there together last weekend.

Traditionally, we explore the pasture and creek side wilds and splash in the water and look for signs of autumn when we visit our creek in October. We did all of that... and Jack did his share of creek wading as usual. That dog of ours loves the creek as much as we do. Maybe even more!

And just before we headed back up the hill to our house, the moon made an early evening appearance in the clear blue sky. It was so serene to watch it slowly rise and peek at us between the yellow leaves that yet hang onto the creek side trees and bushes.

Kindly,

October 19, 2018

A Grateful Heart

:: October sky above the back pasture ::

:: the last three wildflowers on our farm ::

:: my best friend watching me potter about the kitchen ::

:: "Mama's deer" - the mule deer buck that visits our homestead often ::

What a glorious October day it is on our farm. Blue sky, a slight breeze, 64 degrees (F) outside, a small fire crackling in our wood stove inside. I have bread rising on the kitchen counter and the day's laundry on the clothesline, blowing dry in the sunshine. School is done for the day and we have been playing outside, enjoying our farm together. Good things, I am grateful.

I began my day with a beautiful 3-mile outdoor hike and a sermon. Our Friday morning schedule is sometimes a bit more relaxed than our other weekdays and allows time for such things. I am listening to a sermon series about depression in a believer's life, its causes and cure.

Though I am only a few messages in to the thirty-one part series, I feel so thankful to have found these teachings of sound doctrine about Spiritual Depression on Sermon Audio.

I am nearly a year into my eating disorder and exercise obsession recovery (Praise the Lord!) and I do believe I am fully recovered... I have become truly body positive and self-accepting and free of disordered food and fitness behaviors.

My joy is from Jesus, and it will not be shaken. God is so good!

But along with that unshakable joy, there are still residual feelings of anxiety and depression just beneath the surface, sometimes. Or right there on the surface, occasionally. No disordered behaviors, I don't act on those temptations, but the thoughts - while dwindling - do remain more than I prefer.

It puzzles me. Life is good, I am surrounded by people and animals and land that I love, we live a simple homemade life that I wouldn't trade for anything, and I am *very* happy, but that niggling feeling of slight anxiousness, and tiredness, of feeling a bit downcast, remains... I know it doesn't make much sense, especially since I am a saved-by-grace, born-again believer.

Oh, I have come so far and for that I am *thankful!* My body is healed and in its fat-and-happy place. I have made so many necessary changes and given myself permission to let things go. I don't have an eating disorder anymore. I am, for the first time in my life, kinda like my own friend... I am nice to myself, I even like me. I often feel misunderstood by those who don't really know me very well, but that doesn't even bother me anymore.

I have learned how to forgive past hurts (and the people behind them, when necessary) and move on... even allowing myself to remove some difficult relationships from my life guilt-free after forgiving and healing from their damage. I no longer require myself to maintain or restore stressful relationships when it doesn't seem wise for my health and happiness to do so.

My support team helped me realize that I need to be kind to myself, too! That isn't selfish, it is a very important gift. One cannot draw from an empty well. And difficult relationships can be oh-so draining, yes?

Recovery has been a lovely, messy, brave, complicated, and necessary process. How amazed and thankful I am to be putting so many things behind me at last... to truly grow in the Lord and as the woman He created me to be... and on the cusp of turning fifty!

And the victory I have been blessed with physically and mentally in this past year encourages me to keep going until *all* of the lingering anxiety and depression are gone, gone, gone. Until God's voice of truth is the loudest influence in my thinking.

So I think this sermon series will be a wonderful tool in my recovery arsenal. Thank you, dear friends and sisters, for your prayers. I really am fine, I just want to have complete victory over these long-standing issues. {smile} Oh that God would somehow be glorified as I continue to overcome and share my imperfections with the interwebs.

Is vulnerability actually beautiful? Authenticity. Sheesh... I would say it's just hard and incredibly humbling. Oh, I do write a lot more about all of this on Run Hoop Julie, if you would like to join me there.

Here are a few more things I am thankful for today~

:: Pumpkin spice. I am of the thinking that the more things that are pumpkin spice flavored, the better. I love it. So I was *thrilled* when our local grocer finally got the pumpkin spice flavored coffee creamer in stock this week. Yay!

:: October. My favorite month of all. I love mid-September to mid-November... autumn! {smile} FYI, my current order for favorite seasons is: autumn, spring, summer, winter... but I do enjoy them all. I picked winter last because that is usually the hardest season for us on our homestead.

:: Woodpecker. There was a woodpecker on our deck this week. We watched it grasp some insects out of a crack on our deck and eat them. It was fascinating. Such good timing that we looked out the window when we did!

:: Jack. That dog brings so much joy into our days. He is just playful and fun and happy all the time. And sweet and loving and... well, you probably know how much I love my dog!

:: Books. I just finished a novel that I really enjoyed - "Thieving Forest" by Martha Conway. And now I am reading "The Four Million" by O. Henry, it is a collection of short stories. I am reading "By the Shores of Silver Lake" by Laura Ingalls Wilder *and* the first Harry Potter book aloud to my children. And in my Bible reading, I am in the books of Deuteronomy and Luke.


Thank you for coming by this blog today... and for your visits to Run Hoop Julie and Images of a Happy Gentle Life, too. One big blog in three parts is how I look at it, and they each fulfill a niche and purpose that is just right for me and for them in this season of life... thanks for following along! (I hope you enjoy them!)

Blessings,

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